Alan Javurek, PhD

LICENSED MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST


Aging and Loss

As we get older, loss becomes a fundamental experience in all our lives. Whether is is loss of physical capacity or anticipated loss of loved ones these  inevitable impositions must be dealt with yet, in protest, we may try to avoid them. 

 The intensity of loss depends on what’s been taken away and how much it means to you. How can we hold on to what’s gone? At times, the grief is unbearable and we protest by quitting on life and going dead inside. We distract ourselves and pretend it doesn't matter.

However, when I work with people  to  draw on inner strengths and  not give up,   they often are surprised to  find it is possible with a little external help.  Then they stop trying to hold on to what’s gone and let something go. This doesn’t fix anything but it does make going on easier and there’s a shift from feeling dead to feeling alive again. 

 

Whenever we invest ourselves in people that really matter, we are vulnerable to a cruel irony — the more we cherish, depend on and love that other person, the more we will have to lose when one of us has to leave.